I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
