you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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