I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
