just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
