we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
