im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
