You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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