Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
