I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
