I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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