Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
