I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
