I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
