i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
