I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
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well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
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So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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