You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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