I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
