I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
