i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
