I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
