You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
