I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
