I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
