you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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