hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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