...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize