I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
