people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
