He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
