He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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