Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
