I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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