I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize