And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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