im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
