we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
