He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
