I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
