ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
