she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
