So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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