did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
