i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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