Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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