is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I have feelings that need drinking.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
