I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
