I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
