Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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