Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
