Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
