if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I intend to get homeless drunk
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
