i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
areolas are like halos for boobs.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
