Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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