i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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