I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
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I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
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And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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