Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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