a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
