Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
