hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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