areolas are like halos for boobs.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
