every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
