I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
