If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Still dying that you shit outside
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
