I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
