saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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