He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
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My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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